If the opposite s3x is right about how em0tional we get, then there are tons of things you should never do while on your period. Where to start…
1. COOK
If we venture into the kitchen, we run the risk of hurting someone. What if one of our em0tional att@cks occur while we have a knife in hand? We’re already used to the blood. What’s a little more? One of the things you should never do while on your period is enter the kitchen, not even for a snack.
2. USE OUR PHONES
If we pick up our phones to play Candy Crush, we might end up calling our ex. It’s an em0tional time of the month, so how can we stand to be alone? If we don’t call them and beg for them to return to us, then we’ll curse them out. It’s not our fault, of course. When we’re on our periods, all blame is placed elsewhere.
3. EXERCISE IN ANY WAY
You only feel bloated because you’re on your period. Once the week is over, you’ll be your s-exy self again. There’s no need to exercise now, especially since you don’t want to risk ruining your new workout clothes. You should just save yourself the trouble of putting them through the wash until the sta!ns come out.
4. WATCH R0MANTIC COMEDIES
If you’re single, r0mantic comedies can make you miss dating. If you’re in a relationship, they can make you miss being single. It’s a lose-lose situation. Realize that the people on the screen will always have a more exciting life than you, whether you’re single or not. And the only reason that’s the case is because their life is f@ke. Real life is a lot more boring.
5. EAT TONS OF CHOCOLATE
Don’t believe all of the cliches you hear. You don’t have to stuff yourself with chocolate, because you’re on your period. It’s not going to make you feel any better. Eat a few candy bars, but don’t go cra@y. You’ll only be angry at yourself in the end.
6. START ARGUMENTS
If you start a fight with a friend, you’re going to say things that you don’t mean, because like it or not, our h0rmones mess with us. Do you really want to start an argument with your best friend about whether One Direction is better than the Backstreet Boys? It’s not worth it. Just let her have it her way, instead of making her black and blue.
7. GET OUT OF BED
Why even bother to get out of bed? You feel horrible, and no one wants to deal with your em0tional outbursts. Just stay in bed and sleep. Blog a little. Don’t move from your spot for four or five days. Then you can re-emerge like the beautiful butterfly you are.
8. TAKE A SHOWER
You feel pretty yucky, but why waste your time standing in the shower? Chances are you don’t even want to stand up straight anyway, so don’t put yourself through the agony. You can, however, sit in warm bath, have some wine and try to forget your troubles.
9. DO HOUSEWORK
That pile of junk on the kitchen cabinet and the heap of clothes on your bathroom floor aren’t going anywhere, so don’t make yourself m!serable trying to take care of things when you’re having your period. Just leave the mess and crawl back into bed with a book or a movie. Att@ck that mess when you feel more like yourself.
10. EAT FAST FOOD
You don’t want to leave the house anyway, so that’ll make it easier to avoid hitting the drive thru. All that fried food is only going to make you feel worse, so give in to your cravings for something else. Eat a candy bar or grab a mug of hot chocolate and skip the burger and fries.
11. RUN
Can you imagine? Running while you’re m3nstruating is probably one of the worst ideas ever. It won’t feel good, and you’re bound to be bl0ated anyway so burning extra calories won’t be all that beneficial. Don’t run down the stairs, don’t run across the parking lot and never run around the block on your period. Instead, shuffle slowly into the kitchen for another candy bar.
12. SIT AT ALL
Lying down feels so much better, so try to avoid sitting down at all. Lie on the couch when you watch television, lie in the tub when
you must get clean and always lie down in your bed, for the whole day if you can. Sitting and walking just doesn’t feel good when you’re on your period, so why suffer?
13. THINK
There’s no reason to overtax your body and your brain once a month. If you’ve got your period, skip anything that requires thinking too hard. Sure, your fifth grader might have to do his math homework without you and you might have to rely on your toddler to feed the pets, but you’ll only feel worse if you make your brain hurt. Don’t worry, everyone will get used to it.
In reality, you can do anything on your period that you’d do during the rest of the month. However, sometimes it seems like our best option is to just stay in and sleep. Whatever you’re comfortable with, go for it!
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