Good evening mummy, God bless you for all your good words of wisdom and encouragement. Ma have been down since yesterday, my boyfriend and I started dating last year and to be honest he has been an helper to me both financially and otherwise. I even told him that I don’t want sex in the relationship and he has not forced me or gives me attitude cos of that, in fact that made him to be helping me more cos am a student in one the federal universities.
The problem I have with him is that he easily gets angry, here’s the problem, I just finished my first semester exams and we planned I was going to come to Lagos and spend my holidays cos my siblings reside there likewise him too. He said he would want me to come by air instead of by road.
At first I never agreed cos I have never entered a plane before but after much persistence from him, I decided to come by air. He said I’ll come on the 27th of last month cos I finished my exams on the 18th of last month. When 27th was approaching he said he’ll be busy at work cos his job was a tedious one and he decided to postpone it to 5th of this month and so I agreed and when 5th was close he said he won’t be chanced on that day cos according to him he wants to be the one to come and pick me up from the airport. He postponed it to 12th been this Saturday and I have been so excited cos I really wanted to see him. He now sent me a message yesterday that he’ll be travelling today and for that reason he wants to postpone my coming.
I got angry and asked him to allow me come by road and when he gets back from his trip we’ll make out time to see. He still insisted and told me that I should try and show some understanding but I was still insisting on coming by bus this weekend. He begged me not to be arguing with him cos he doesn’t like me doing that. He got so angry and has refused picking my calls, he even went as far as blocking me on Facebook.
Aunty I don’t know what else to do cos I have sent him messages saying how sorry I am but he won’t listen. Please ma I need your advice cos I love him so much. Thanks.
What am about to tell you won’t make any sense to you but I will say it for posterity sake. Your partner is a great man with a generous heart. He falls into the category of a “nice, loving and a caring” man who from all you have said is very supportive and considerate.
But he has a very terrible communication skills and he’s not emotionally mature for a relationship. He suggested that you come by air, you accepted, he then went ahead to postpone it not once, not twice, not thrice but for four consecutive times with many excuses why you should be considerate and understanding and just because you suggested to come back and then make out time to see him since he’s so busy that his travelling can’t wait and he can’t squeeze out any time to come and pick you up, he then got so angry that he refused picking up
One thing you must not ignore about some individuals who block every channel for reconciliation is that they can be manipulated by anger and they can be violent because the moment he shuts down every possible avenues for reconciliation and reconsideration, he builds up his reservoir for anger, unforgiving spirit and revenge.
I may not know how you have been arguing with him in the past but I am trying so hard to understand why he decided to block you on Facebook just because you suggested that you come back by road instead of following his commanded rules.
No matter what he has done for you in the past, please do not ignore his personality traits and do not condone some emotional torture in the name of love and relationship because a time may come when the wealth and his riches may not sheath your heart from pains and disappointment that comes with lack of mutual communication and openness in the relationship.
From all you said he’s a domineering personality and will not wish to listen to your views but to simply obey him to the latter and where you disagree with his opinions or seek for clarifications, he may tag it as argument so if you genuinely love him and you appreciate him so much, kindly learn how to use the words “yes sir, okay sir, understood, accepted, thank you sir” and the likes more often and avoid asking any question or disagreeing with him for any reason.
You may also consider talking to his relatives or friend who can intercede on your behalf and encourage him to talk to you or pick up your calls so that both of you can discuss and resolve your differences. But then I’m wondering how long you will continue to beg to be heard.
Source : Culled From Amara Van-Lare : Love, Relationship and Life Counseling Online
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